The Dailey Edge Podcast
Join hosts Trent, TJ, and Todd Dailey as they explore the intersections of technology, culture, fitness, and personal growth. Through engaging discussions and personal anecdotes, the trio dives into topics ranging from childhood gaming nostalgia and cutting-edge fitness tech to the pursuit of happiness and lifestyle choices. Whether reminiscing about epic gaming marathons, sharing tips for staying on the forefront of fitness trends, or unraveling the complexities of modern life, The Dailey Edge delivers thoughtful insights, lively debates, and relatable stories for listeners of all walks of life.
The Dailey Edge Podcast
Episode 2: Balancing Act: Navigating Youth Sports, Family Values, and Technology
We discuss the multifaceted challenges of parenting in today’s competitive youth sports landscape. The episode emphasizes finding balance between fostering commitment and allowing enjoyment, exploring how societal pressures affect both children and parents.
• Sharing personal insights on children's activities
• The impact of community culture on youth sports
• Emphasizing the importance of teaching commitment versus forcing participation
• Finding balance between competition and enjoyment
• The influence of parental expectations on children's experiences
• Addressing productivity versus leisure in a digital age
• Highlighting the spiritual and moral grounding for children's self-worth
• Encouraging collective growth through sports engagement
Welcome to the Daily Edge where we bring you the latest insights, opinions and thought-provoking conversations to give you that competitive edge in life, business and beyond. Let's go episode two of the daily edge. Hopefully you guys enjoyed the first episode. Today we're back to talk more, a little bit more about fitness, but we're gonna kind of focus on the kid realm. Between the three of us, we have ten kids ranging in ages from 15 to four, four okay. So we got a lot of stuff going on in athletics and fitness from a kid point of view, but we'll probably get into just parenting in general. Again, we're very similar to probably a lot of you out there. We all have jobs and we're all married and we all have several kids doing several things. So let's just kick the. Let's kick it off by kind of going through maybe each one of us talking about what our kids are into and what some of the things that we're dealing with on a day-to-day basis.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 1:Let's start.
Speaker 2:I'll go ahead and start. So I have three kids ages six, nine and ten, and they are into goodness, almost everything. You hear that a lot from people is diversify what your kids are into. Young the youngest is playing basketball and soccer currently with football on the horizon soon flag football. My middle has done gymnastics, baseball and cheer in soccer, I think. And then my oldest is play soccer and she's a runner. So those three are or that's what the three of them are doing, and some of the challenges we face and I think we can talk a little bit about it later.
Speaker 2:What I'm seeing is the evaporation of it's kind of. This aligns with society as a whole, this evaporation of the middle class. I think when we grew up, you had good kids on your team. You have bad kids on your team, you had average kids on your team, and that was this combination. Now you're playing in a very rec rec league or a very competitive, competitive league, at least where we're at, which is in Hamilton County, indiana, and so it provides, I think, some unique challenges, I think, which we can get into. But that's one of the things that I'm seeing being difficult is there is no more middle ground. You're either kind of in or all in.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'll just quickly touch on Mike. I've got three boys four, eight and ten. My youngest is not into, he's into everything and nothing at the same time. We tried to put him in soccer this past year and, having two older brothers, he actually dominated for the first couple of games and then refused to go back out on the field. So he played about a fourth of a season. We had to pull him out. That was a whole thing. About a fourth of a season. We had to pull them out. That was a whole thing.
Speaker 3:And then an eight year old wrestler and although it depends on the day, which is, I'm sure, something we'll get into wrestles and plays soccer, and then my oldest plays basketball and golf. So a lot of different challenges there, I would say. For me, one of the most interesting challenges I've dealt with is how to teach your kids commitment and, when they show a desire to do something and they sign up to do something, how to teach them commitment without forcing them per se right, as society might suggest forcing them to get out there and do something that maybe they're not passionate about, at least for that particular day or week or month. So that's something that we battle it feels like there's so much pressure.
Speaker 1:A lot of times we find our identity in our kids and maybe their success as a society. As we work through that and you guys being in a very competitive area, these kids are starting at three, four and five. They're putting them in and it kind of feels like I'd love both of you to kind of touch on this. But it's like as a parent there's been times where I've even felt like are my kids doing enough? Are they going to be good enough? And those feelings creep in from time to time. But where you're at I know it's a whole nother level. I'd like you to kind of talk about that specialization and what the environment that has kind of been created.
Speaker 2:I think this first comment might ruffle some people the wrong way, honestly, but I'm just going to be straightforward. I think that in our first episode we talked about our fitness journeys and I think the fact that we are working at a high level or at least a relatively high level on a regular basis kind of shifts that perspective a little bit in regard to living through our children and being out there and doing it yourself every day. You understand the commitment, you understand the burden that can come along with that. You also understand the reward. But I think you know that changes the perspective a little bit, and what it's helped me to do is focus on the secondary benefits because you're right, you're never going to be in the environment wherein you're never going to be the parent who is doing the most, and I think that you know to be the best for the kids, to be the best at a particular sport, a lot has to coalesce. You have to have a lot of natural talent there, along with an insane work ethic and when you're in an environment where you know the schools.
Speaker 2:In our area the high schools have anywhere between 4,000 and 6,000 kids, and I tell this story often. If you think about a basketball team at a high school. There's, let's say, 4,000 kids, half men, half women. So you have 2,000 boys, 2,000 girls. Well, out of those 2,000 boys, only 12 of them need to make it through the gauntlet right, whether their parents force them at a young age, only 12 of them have to be able to survive, whatever that is, to make it to that kind of pinnacle, at least for sub-18-year-olds. So I think that, having that be your primary goal, I want my kid to play high school sports. It's such a long shot. For the most part, I happen to have one daughter who potentially has the talent to be a high school runner. It's just, it's such a long shot. For the most part, I happen to have one daughter who's potentially has the talent to be a high school runner.
Speaker 2:But I've really, really tried to focus on the secondary benefits you guys mentioned to them, right, focus on the consistency, focus on learning how to do hard work, and when you do hard work, it does pay off. So I think that's been a big thing for me is what are the secondary benefits they're gonna get? Right, socializing with kids, learning about camaraderie, learning about teamwork, learning about all these other things. Again, the struggle is to be able to experience those things that you get to experience with a team, in our environment at the level that we would like our kids to experience. That you know there's and I know I'm digressing a little bit right, but there's going and practicing a half hour a week. You're not going to see the fruits of your labor, you're not going to see a lot of growth there, and so you want something a little bit more. Unfortunately for us, it goes from 30 minutes to four and a half hours, and so you know that's where I struggle is my goodness, I'll say it.
Speaker 2:I have a six-year-old son who has five practices a week and he's practicing somewhere between four and six, you know, maybe seven hours. He likes it, but of course there are days where he doesn't want to go. So what we've done is we're flexible with him. Some some weeks he doesn't want to go on a Friday night, that's fine. He's six, um, but that's that's kind of where I've struggled. But I would say that my focus has been more on the secondary benefits than having this goal out there or defining myself again. Um, going back to my my first statement, I don't define myself that way because you know I try to to continue to accomplish and achieve things athletically myself, and I'll let them find their own path.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I would say, and it's probably similarly. I've tried to embrace it. What I mean by embrace it is I think there are some benefits to it. I think, naturally, the societal view on this is what a travesty. You know, I grew up playing six sports and now these kids have to specialize by, you know, whatever age. And I think there's as there is to everything, there are pros and cons, and I've tried to embrace it.
Speaker 3:I think my orientation on life's very purpose-driven. I feel like we all have God-given gifts and talents and I feel like it's our job to nurture those to the best of our ability, not only in ourselves but in our kids right, and teach them how to maximize the gifts that God's given them. And so for my oldest, who's 10, who's pretty far down the path in basketball and golf, has been kind of his two sports. The idea is, you know God's given you gifts in these particular sports. How can you prepare and take advantage of those right to the best of your ability? And I think TJ talked about some. Okay, so what unique ways do you also take the pressure off right? And it's not like, well, you have to make the high school golf team or you have to do this. For me it's just put forth the effort.
Speaker 3:So in basketball in particular, he is not I wouldn't say he is athletically gifted in that so for him, maximizing his talent might look different.
Speaker 3:So, even as he's you call it specializing, he's focusing on those two sports.
Speaker 3:I think there's a question as to whether or not he'll actually play competitively, even though he is training fairly heavily Right, and I think the focus of that is allowing him and supporting him in that he he trains several hours a week on playing basketball and a variety of different plays on a couple of different teams and doing things.
Speaker 3:But he absolutely loves it, he really enjoys it, and I think he's learning some incredible lessons, just about work ethic, and he's seeing the growth in himself, right, and he's learning some incredible lessons just about work ethic and he's seeing the growth in himself right, and he's seeing himself achieve new levels. He's actually on a school basketball team. He played last year as a fourth grader on a fifth sixth grade team and this year he's fifth grade and one of the things the coach does is ask them to go back and watch the film from prior years, and so he's done that and he has made several comments about how much he has grown and developed in basketball, and so for him to be able to see that and then put in the effort and then see effort coming out of that, to me what a long-term life skill to be able to understand that when you put in the effort and you put in the effort the right way, right um, that you can grow in whatever way you want you know it's interesting.
Speaker 1:You guys both talked about this from different sides, so you had indicated um miles. You know, at six years old, is five nights a week and is probably experiencing a little bit of burnout. You know, and you're talking about um noah and his ability to, you know, want to put all the work in and he's still finding joy in it, and I know that that probably shifts depending on the on the week. But how do you? You know, when we grew up, it was just different, right, like, we played a lot of different sports. There was a lot of variety, like how do you keep a kid interested and keep the love and passion? You know, because when they are talented at it you can get burnt out. Right, it's always like it's never enough, it's always more. Someone's always out working you. How do you, as parents, approach that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'll just say two things, um, for me that I think has kept noah engaged and he's really enjoyed one is, uh, gamification of it at times, uh, and this is, I would say, uh, especially for unstructured training. He's loved to have like certain things that he can work towards and goals, and like a structure of doing so many different things a day. I would say that that has been, that's been a huge piece. Tj, why don't you go ahead?
Speaker 2:No, I think you know for me, I think it Caitlin's probably the most relevant example, and that's my oldest and I was talking to somebody about this the other day and I'd love for you to touch on some stuff, because you've had a completely different journey, coming from a smaller town, and I know that one of your passions has been, or one of your passions is, potentially, providing opportunities for kids to play sports. You created a CIFC, which is a soccer club in central Indiana, and I know there's other things that are on your mind there. But to jump back to the original question, when it, when it, when it comes to Kay, it's, I think, thinking about it, you know, again I go back to. I said I had a conversation with a buddy and we were talking kind of through this and he's like you know, I was talking about my approach versus other approaches that I've seen out there, and he's like you're putting time into thinking about just doing that. How, thinking about just doing that, how to keep it fun for them, right, and so instead of like so, for for me it's like okay, I'm spending time Like okay, how Caitlin's going to start training for track here in the next I think next week or this week or whatever. Um, how can I make this something that isn't like oh no, you know I've got to get out there and I've got to run whatever. So you know her mom is training for a half marathon, potentially next year.
Speaker 2:Run a day with mom. We have a good friend who was a high school cross country coach. His wife was a collegiate athlete. She does track work that is relatively close to what Kaylin can do. Go do track work with Heather on Saturdays. You know you guys have an individual that works for you, dakota, that lives very close. Go run with Dakota. You know, run with the body and training, which is her track club team, once a week. So all of a sudden she's run three or four days a week. But it's different, it's fun, it's with different people, it's different efforts, it's different experiences. It's people your age, it's people that are 20 years older than you, but it's putting the time and effort into just being conscious of when they feel like they're burned out.
Speaker 2:Again, I said earlier with Miles. You know he unfortunately right now has soccer practices because they're the youngest kids that are Friday night at five and Saturday at 8 am. Well, I mean, that's really close in proximity. So we're not you know when you're practicing that much? I think when we grew up and it was two practices a week, like you said earlier, it's commitment. You're going to every practice, you're committed. You said you were going to commit.
Speaker 2:Well, understanding that he's six and he's practicing two nights a week for basketball and three nights a week for soccer. It's cool, you can miss one. You're six, you can even miss two. So I think those are two different ways that I've gone about it is really being dialed into their kind of, I guess, perspective and their feelings and thoughts and being willing to understand that this is the long game. You know my youngest or my middle daughter, kennedy I haven't talked much about her. She started in gymnastics, kind of following in her cousin's footsteps, and was really doing very well, but for whatever reason, it started to really give her anxiety and we pushed through that for maybe two practices and again then realized this isn't worth it. Luckily she's found something else that she really likes to do, but just staying dialed in there.
Speaker 3:I would just quickly add to that I think you also have to celebrate the progress. I think that's huge and that goes back a little bit to the gamification, but a lot of times with my boys there's been rewards out there that either they can get or it's just a matter of recognizing and celebrating the progress. I think is huge Because we all like to get better. When you can feel that and you can see that and you see others see that and you can celebrate that, I think that does also.
Speaker 2:I think you're right. I think extrinsic is important and not being afraid to do that. I think people think that that's like a bad thing. If I give my kids a reward for doing whatever, whatever, then they're going to expect it all the time. I don't think that's necessarily the case. I think eventually, again like you said, they start to see their progress and that becomes the driver.
Speaker 2:But with like a Miles, he has technical training twice a week. That's not fun for somebody that age. Working on ball skills and doing strength and conditioning is that's boring. Well, hey, you do your technical training x number of weeks in a row and you get this. And then eventually, when he's seven or eight or nine, if he continues to do this, it's not the end of the world. If he doesn't, he's going to really, I think, relish the fact that he has this skill set. That's just light years above a lot of the people he's playing with and he won't need extrinsic motivation anymore because he'll, he'll understand, he'll be able to make that connection on, you know, as as to what he's getting out of being consistent with those efforts you know sports.
Speaker 1:I remember sports being fun, right like we. We had a good time. I, I enjoyed playing sports. I'm sure there were practices that I was like I just don't want to go, or do I really have to go, but I just remember it being fun and I feel like and I go to a lot of different events and I'm guilty of this as anyone else, but there's just so many parents that are, I think, have sucked the fun out of sports, so we sit there on the sidelines and they'll miss kick a ball and a parent will go nuts, and I've done it before.
Speaker 1:But it's like, you know, the child's trying to like, do the best they can and like. Can you imagine if that was our case, if our dad was on the sideline screaming every time we made a mistake? It's how do you, how do you stay in the right mindset for that Like as a as a parent or as a coach? And we all want to because we're competitive. We all want our kids to be successful in sports. I mean, it is about the camaraderie, it is about building relationships, it is about discipline. I think there's a lot of intangibles about sports, but you know, if your kid is maybe not the most gifted and is sitting on the bench like how do you, how do you motivate them? How do you, as a parent, support them and try to encourage them, maybe when they're not being, maybe when they're not successful or they're not great at the sport.
Speaker 3:I mean, I always talk to my kids in terms of context of again the gifts they've been given and I always use a scale of one to 10. Like, hey, you know, god gave you five out of 10 in soccer, okay, and your goal is to make the absolute best you possibly can of that. And if you can get that to a seven from hard work and effort and that's where you get to fantastic right. But I would rather see that than God give you a nine out of 10 and you get to an eight and you end up at an eight right which technically, is better. So for me I think it's, I think, realistic expectations and framing things for them. So, again, trying to take that edge of the pressure off of like I have to be comparative to others and there are times to use the competitiveness right. Tj, you said this yesterday use what you can right At times, but for me that's a big one.
Speaker 2:I think for me it's interesting because for two of my kids I have this dynamic they're really good at one sport and not really good at the other sport, and so Miles is an example. He was a really good soccer player, at least at that entry level, and not great at basketball, doesn't quite have the strength, doesn't quite have the coordination. So two things that I've experienced with my oldest and youngest when it comes to basketball is they were that kid who could not get the ball to the rim for an entire season and so again it was thinking about okay, let's focus on defense, let's focus on what you can do, let's focus on trying to improve. Kaylin's had this dynamic. She is, you know, at her age and not everybody's doing it at her age one of the best runners in the country. On the flip side, she just picked up soccer and she's playing with girls who, like you said earlier, started when they're three, four, five, six years old and they're two completely different approaches With cross country. I can use the competitive side of things because she does have confidence in that sport and there are times when we use that. There are obviously other times when we use the friendship she has there. Go run with your friends, go, hang out, take it easy, whatever, um, but she does. She has gotten to the point where she's got some little targets out there and she's got that kind of internal self-drive on the other side of it. It's really like let's kind of.
Speaker 2:You know, I listened to somebody say something that after your kid finishes sports, don't jump down their throat right away if it wasn't a great game. Give them time to stew on it, process it. You know, because imagine you come home from work and the first thing your wife does is you know if she has context to what you're doing jump down your throat about your performance at work. Like, give me time to breathe, process and then let's talk about it a little bit later. So, you know, if things don't go as well, letting them kind of think about it and then kind of having conversations and looking for those bright spots and maybe expounding on those bright spots.
Speaker 2:Kalen, you don't have great tactical footwork, but you do have a big engine because of your running. So you know, let's focus on understanding positioning. Maybe we'll watch some soccer, maybe we'll do some things that aren't. You know this heavy load on your brain where we're again, we're watching instead of playing and we're doing, we're gamifying through things out there like dribble up, and you're doing a little bit of that and we're putting some carrots out there for you to go after. So I think those are two different dynamics, but that's the way that I keep it a little less intense for them focus on going to hang out with their friends.
Speaker 2:And also the way you phrase it hey, let's go with miles, specifically, um, hey, you're going to go get to play games with your friends today, and when we look at it through that lens, versus, oh, it's time to go to practice. Well, you know, and I ask him to what are the names of some of the kids in your team? In that that realm, they have 50 kids spread up a bunch of different teams. So like there's a little game there. Who's who'd you play with today? How did you score? Did you stop anybody on defense? Making sure you're focusing on the broader game as a whole. So I think a lot of times parents get focused on like the pinnacle of whatever sport. How many did you score in basketball today? Well, it's not just that. And so this kid's got the pressure that I have got to score 20 or 25 or whatever. So you know, I know that's a lot, but that's kind of my perspective on it.
Speaker 3:That's actually one of the hardest things it took for me to do is the questions you ask are huge.
Speaker 3:We were just wired to ask how many points you scored or similar type things. To ask the question of did you try your best, did you put your best effort? It's been a shift for me. It took me a few years to honestly get there, but I think over time, the consistency of the questions you're asking because kids naturally are the desire to please us right, and so the questions you ask can 100% be an asset or a liability in terms of how they define themselves and how they define their success. If you're asking them how many points did they score and after every game, no negative, no yelling, no, nothing, and the next game they don't score that many points, they're going to wear that right in some fashion. But why don't you go back and kind of cover some of this kind of in your family? Because I feel like you've got a lot of ends of the spectrum covered here, from those that are very interested in sports or playing or less interested, like what's your.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I have four kids. My oldest is 15 and he is into wrestling recently, kind of golf and soccer those have been his sports. My middle daughter, so I have two boys on the ends, 15 and seven, and then my daughters are 12 and 11. And so they're 15 months apart. But I would say the interesting thing, as we're, our kids are the older I think I have the oldest three. They're all so different, right, and they all have different work ethics and they're all passionate about different things. My girls tend to not want to do the same things, right, I would say.
Speaker 1:My older daughter, from an athletic standpoint, is higher on the gifted scale where she and she is actually loves to put in the work she is. That is that's probably. She started in gymnastics and was very successful at that at a young age and then she started kicking a ball around and really developed that, you know, into soccer. Now she's playing tribal volleyball. So she really loves sports and she really loves to be out there. But she's also a perfectionist and maybe something we can talk about at some point is just, sometimes kids are really hard on themselves. My younger daughter is she's an artist. She sings, she plays piano, she just is very musically talented. So on the God given, you know, she's just one of those that can hit a note and she's on pitch and she didn't get that from me, but that's kind of been her story. And then my youngest is just kind of running wild right now. He likes basketball.
Speaker 1:But I would say for me just the challenges have been if I got to be really honest. Sometimes I just get this like and I know when I get there that I need to be really honest. Sometimes I just get this like and I know when I get there that I need to shift my mind. But I'm like I get FOMO or my kids aren't living up to expectations and I really want to see them be successful in sports, and so sometimes I get the mentality of like they're never doing enough and I know that probably sends the wrong message, like we got to be practicing, we got to be doing this stuff. Or I see him playing video games or on the television and I'm like that's a waste of time. So I'm sure other parents probably deal with that as well.
Speaker 1:But I'd be interested to hear how you guys approach a balance, a balance in life. I know with my oldest son it's a huge struggle. He's a big gamer and he's talented at it. If that's a word he loves, to play, it really is his passion. He looks forward to that.
Speaker 1:And so, as a parent where I don't see, I played video games growing up but I don't see a ton of intrinsic value in that long-term Like, where's the fruit of that? And I'm always thinking, trying to position our kids for success. Right, like what does success look? Like? It's, you know, it's being healthy, it's being happy, it's it's relationships, forming relationships. And so, um, how do you approach getting your kids a balanced I want to say a balanced life I'm not even sure that's the right word but having that leisure time to let go and what things you allow them to be in.
Speaker 1:We know there's a lot of science around the addictiveness of certain things. Our personalities are somewhat addictive. I'm afraid to try hardly anything, because if I get addicted to it, you know, if we've fired up a new video game right now, we'd be a hundred hours in by the end of the week. If we had the time right, we like oh, we're going to take this, we're not only going to beat it, we're going to get every single you know armor or weapon or whatever it is. We go to the nth degree and I know these systems are built around that.
Speaker 1:So one of the biggest struggles I have is balancing how much time they should be putting in and how much time they should. You know they come home and sit around and watch TV for two hours, knowing when I was younger we had television but like your show was only on at one hour, like you couldn't go through and had the mindless scrolling. It was like you know you watched cartoons or you know jeopardy was on or whatever that that show was. It showed from five to six and when that was over there was nothing else to watch and so you weren't. So I love your guys' opinions on how you, how you even gauge that Like. Do you even, like, think that's a problem? Is that something that you guys struggle with? How do you gauge productivity versus leisure and navigate that?
Speaker 2:Well, I'd like to, you know yeah, it's, it's a good thing, I think one of the things that I'd kind of like to throw back at you very quickly and then expound a little bit more. You know, so, you know, we were talking again yesterday about the. We've all explained or stated that we have. We each have a kid who really loves the work, and so for us, I think it's easier to where we're at, to balance because there's so many options. You know, you can, you can.
Speaker 2:Now that this is, this again goes back to the original problem that I spoke of, where, uh, there's no middle class. If you will, in sports, you can spend in in our area, a thousand dollars a week on personal training for your kid, and so you can really structure that and you can make it fun because a lot of those, a lot of those things that they go do are gamified right, so they're seeing progress, or there there's an actual game baked into what they're doing on a day-to-day basis. So, like you have, um, okay, you're going to do this fun element of your sport, or this element of your sport is gamified, you're going to do this two hours a week and you're going to do this with with this uh business. And then we're going to take this other element of your sport. So one of it is one. One day it's tactical training and you're working on this. Then the next day it's strength and conditioning, and so you know, I think for me my kids aren't self-motivated, meaning that none of them, you know, during the regular day will go like, I mean, I remember shooting hours and hours and hours out front just on our own.
Speaker 2:We'd have our friends over, play games, do whatever. None of them do that. If I'm like, hey, you need to work on this, or maybe you should work on this, why don't you try doing this? Because we all hear it, especially with the way our kids are stimulated today, I'm bored. What do I do? Well, go do this or go do this Never going to happen.
Speaker 2:But when you have these structured, gamified organizations out there that your kids can go and engage with again, I mean I think you said your son has three hours of practice or something on Monday alone because there's all of these different opportunities. I think you could plug Hadley in or Kalen in or Noah into any of those situations and they would love it. They're around friends, they're seeing progress, they're working on specific things. They're able to make the connection because they're 10 and 12. Yeah, they're 10 and 12. They are able to see the fruits of those labors. So I think we've got it easier. Again, it comes with a price. It comes with a price, but I know you've got this kind of passion underlying passion for potentially offering some more opportunities for kids in your area. So I think, when I say I'd like to throw it back on you getting back to that, I know you want to put some of those things forward and give them opportunities to engage in those things. Is that still something that you ultimately want to do?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, where I live in a small town of about, you know, 25,000, there are not those opportunities for for the young kids there. There are some clubs but I can't, you know, go down to the Pacers facility and and take my kids or, um, you know, having your kids in working on technical skills and drills. There isn't as much opportunity for that in the area. So, yeah, I do have a passion of like. There's no reason because geographical location, that we shouldn't be able to offer our kids similar experiences. So that's something that I am passionate about and would love to see kind of take off. And there are several people within the community that feel the same way, passionate about and would love to see kind of take off. And there are several people within the community that feel the same way. It's, you know, the there are a lot of very talented people where we're from and gifted athletes that don't have those opportunities and it is a little bit of a struggle but on the flip side is like if you want to play a sport in high school, you can kind of show up and probably make the team. So there there is, that ability to the bar isn't as high and it isn't as competitive and but at the same time you know you want your kids. I think ultimately you want your kids playing in a sport or on a team that's competitive, right Like in soccer there's, you know, you get your ECNL, which is your top teams, you got your regional teams and then you got, you know you've got groups one, two, three and four and you can find a group of teams throughout the state that fits your team and ultimately you want your kids to be in there compete.
Speaker 1:Very many, very few kids are going to be ECNL but, like the structure that's been developed and the people that have that are in the bigger cities have put a ton of effort and work into like, okay, we're going to do skills and drills for two days a week and you're going to this guy they're doing skills and drills and when they show up for practice they have at practice they're learning strategy. Well, where we're at, we don't have enough kids and we're trying to teach skills and drills and teach people how to you know pass, dribble and shoot instead of teaching strategy. So there are some things with that. We've just kind of launched the building. The foundation on the soccer side we had mentioned is like this is about skills and drills. It's like you have to practice and play. There is both sides of that and we can make both fun. So the bigger cities have, I think, created great opportunities. The gamification and the kids can get more engaged, but the competition's that much stronger.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I would just hit on what you said, though, which I think is leaning into a strength of your area, is they can play high school sports, and we look at the fruits of playing sports from a life lesson perspective. Certainly, it's being able to see progress, and when you put in effort and grow and develop in things cause you're going to need to do that, you know, in life but the teamwork being able to collaborate with others on the team, learn to support each other, how to handle situations where people are performing at different levels and how to navigate that psychologically. So I think that's a nice thing I just wanted to call out is, you know, even in those environments, even though there's not all the technical skills and those sorts of things, I think them being able to compete in a high school environment or a similar environment is important. I think they're getting a lot of the fruits of that. I was going to add one more thing to your question earlier about productivity imbalance. I would say I probably err, and this isn't a surprise for anyone who knows me more. On the productivity side, it certainly differs between the week and the weekend, but I would say during the week, 30 to 60 minutes is kind of our unwind time. Sometimes that's screen time you've got 30 minutes of screen time and other times that's just kind of winding down. Otherwise, we try to. We try to be doing something productive.
Speaker 3:And this may be unpopular, my philosophy is that it's a hard world out there. I'm not a person that feels like happiness is the end, all be all, so I'm not one who's like, hey, how do I create the environment where my kids just have the happiest childhood and maximize joy? Certainly, there's a lot of elements to what we do to celebrate, have fun, enjoy things, but for me it's also being purpose-driven. It's like we were put on this earth to leave it better off than we found it. How do we invest in those gifts and talents and do that? And so I lean into some of that and I expect the same of the kids and I feel like that is my hope, is my hypothesis is we'll see how this plays out got a long way to go that that will prepare them for what is a difficult world these days.
Speaker 3:I mean it's you know, my middle son was telling me the other day that he was just going to as long as he had $200 to buy an iPad. That he, you know he was good, you know he didn't need school or grades or job or whatever, that you know he was really upset that I wasn't letting him play more screen time. But I think you know kids are extremely resilient and they normalize to things extremely well and I think sometimes you create whatever environment you create is going to be the context that sets. That basically is set for their lives right In the future and their expectations of what that looks like.
Speaker 3:And the more they have and the more freedom they have and the more flexibility they have and the more they get to do what they want when they're younger, in my opinion, the more challenges a lot of that's gonna pose when they get older and they're forced to do a lot of things that they don't want and they're forced to interact with people that are maybe unpleasant to interact with, people that are maybe unpleasant to interact with. They have to handle those situations, um, in in different ways. So, uh, a little bit of a long-winded answer there, but I would say, um, you know, for us, I think, 30 to 60 minutes during the week and then the weekend's a whole different ball game well, the.
Speaker 2:The great thing is I think this is why this conversation is so helpful is we're kind of the opposite, you know, I think the crazy thing is, if you look at natural gifts as a family the physical and mental skill sets required for video games it's probably our biggest gift as a family We've all. I remember when we were young kids leaving the house and telling their parents like it's on a different level at the daily house in terms of video game prowess, and so I think, you know, we've always gravitated towards that because our kids see success in those types of things. But when you know, this is going to spiral a little further away from sports. But you know, we're a little bit different in the sense that, like, we've let our kids have things a little early. But I think it's with the same idea in mind, right? So?
Speaker 2:I have a nine and a 10 year old. They both have phones. Most parents that I know are a lot of parents that I know, and I think maybe now it's 50, 50 when it comes to that age, you know, or maybe 25, 75, they wait till middle school or something to that effect, you know. But but we see it as a skillset development as well, right, so one of the biggest things we know from in the business world is socialization and again and again, how like you said I think you're approaching it from I want my kids to be able to handle people or things they don't like. Well, I think you know, I, my daughter one of the things the kids do nowadays gosh, I sound old. One of the things the kids do is they have these giant group phone calls, six or seven people on FaceTime and they'll call in and like they'll just sit there on the phone.
Speaker 2:But when we were young we had 10 people at the house every night after school and that was kind of our way, our way to do that. But they're learning in real time, because they're so exposed to the nuance and the drama and those things, how to deal with that, and so they're dealing with difficult people now at 10 and they're honing that skill. We do have limits. They're a little bit more liberal. I think my kids have like an hour a day. You know, miles is one. That drives me crazy. I'll wake up at 9am on the weekend and he's already in front of the TV. And but then I think again you said it earlier and it was a little different than I remember getting up and watching an hour or two of cartoons. I'll see him on his Nintendo Switch. We weren't allowed to play, after a certain point, video games during the week but boy, when the weekend came like 12, 14 hours of video games.
Speaker 2:And I think it worked out well. You know, at the end of the day, because you're problem solving Again, you know, I think the video games to a point are predatory, with microtransactions and things like that and kind of playing off the addictiveness of those things. And you know, I'm seeing, I've never understood. I never understood, like some of the con, I never understood the drive for these kids to get some of these cosmetic things in the video games when we were growing up. If you're putting any more money into a video game, it was directly affecting your ability to perform in said game. But I see it now.
Speaker 2:Right, I started playing Fortnite with my kids. I used to play a lot of first person shooters and I said they want the in and I'm the default. I don't have the cool skin. So I'm walking around and I'm like, ah, maybe, maybe I'd like one. These are $25 a piece to change the way that you're. You're $20 a piece to change the way your character looks.
Speaker 2:Um, you know, but but again, there there's more of that extrinsic motivation. Hey, if you go to, it's kind of balancing itself out. Right, you go to tactical training both days for two weeks. I'll get you a skin, and so you know they're they're, they're exposed and experiencing both sides of things. They're learning to solve problems in real time. I fortunately, because my kids aren't Roman's age yet haven't had to deal with extremes, and again, it does go back to the fact that there are so many of these extra things on the sports side that just prevent them. You know, sports at our house typically starts at 4.30 and typically ends around seven every day. So there's not, there's not even a ton of time to do that. If they got home from school at three o'clock, when they do, and had nothing until 8.30 when they go to bed, I could see it being way more of a problem than it is.
Speaker 3:I think one of the things I wanted to hit on there that you pointed out, which is great, is, I think there are different levels and again, leaning into the things that they can learn from these games. I had a conversation with my eight-year-old the other day. We were talking about screens and the iPad, in particular, roblox games, which are very mindless. There's several they play that are very mindless, but it's like, yeah, just like tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.
Speaker 3:And they wanted to leave the iPad on when they're not playing it, because it accrues the things and it completely starts to fill up all of their cognitive space. That's all they're thinking about, that's all they're doing. Everything else is boring. Obviously, you're getting those dopamine hits. You're talking about context, the context for what's boring, and not on the dangerous side, my goodness. But the conversation we had was okay. We had kind of a detox of screen time for a couple of months and we were going to talk about introducing it back in and it was you know what. Let's start with a couple hours a week of Madden. They both love to play Madden, but at least with Madden you're engaging in the game. There's a lot of hand-eye coordination. There's strategy. Aging in the game. There's a lot of hand-eye coordination, there's strategy, there's problem solving. So I think there are different levels of games too and, depending on the orientation of your kid and what they're taking to, there are things to learn.
Speaker 1:I'm glad you brought that up. That was one thing I was going to talk about. Not all screen time is equal, right? So the YouTube scrolling right Versus my older daughter loves. She's watched every full house and fuller house. She'll just get on love and just like to watch episodes. My youngest daughter watches episodes. So in your guy's mind you touched on a little bit. But do you feel like there are certain screen times that build skill sets that are better than others? Oh yeah, and I think that's it's funny, rank them than others.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, and I think that's it's funny.
Speaker 1:Rank them for me. Talk to me what's the worst possible one in your mind and maybe the best possible.
Speaker 2:I want to say something quickly. I think it's a microcosm of society as a whole. You're seeing, as technology grows, you see more and more predatory behavior from people. How little can I put into whatever? And I think that aligns directly how little can I put into whatever it is to make the most money possible? You see, on YouTube there's been a lot of stories about these creators that have kind of figured out the least common denominator formula and they replicate thousands and thousands of videos that have these. You know there's three or four key elements that they know will trigger a kid to engage with them. They're completely mindless. So I would say you know that is probably, if you rank them, I would say that anything that is short form for the most part.
Speaker 2:I mean you know again, when you're you're letting your kids do certain things, you try to justify it. Right, like, what are they getting out of this? Um, my kids are not allowed to have Tik TOK. They don't have Snapchat, you know, but they do have YouTube shorts, and so I would say that if, if I want to rank probably the the least beneficial is YouTube shorts. Um, you know, we have other little rules around there, because I do want them.
Speaker 2:You talked about a difficult world. I do want them to understand that this stuff isn't real. You know, like, one thing my kids are not allowed to watch are those family shows on YouTube, like the such and such family and the such. Like. That's not real people. It's like what we see as adults on Instagram. That's not somebody's real life. They're not always that happy.
Speaker 2:I was talking to a buddy a couple of months ago on a run and he was like it was the craziest thing. We were at a holiday party or a 4th of July. It was in the summaries. We were at a 4th of July party and this family they were just at each other's throats the whole time and then the mom gathered the kids up to take this photo and it looks so pristine and whatever. And the second the photo was done, they were at each other's throats, so their life is not representative at all versus what you're seeing. So I think, with the YouTube shorts, there's a lot of that that's misrepresenting what reality is, and I've even seen, especially with the young ones at times, where they have this complete misconception of what's real because it's been painted as something real on YouTube. So I'd say that's the worst. Then regular YouTube in general, for the most part, because at that age there's no ability to discern what is good from what's not.
Speaker 2:I think, again, justifying my own behavior, because I consume a lot of content, I like to tell myself that there's a purpose to a lot of it and that I'm educating myself in certain realms. I think it'll come in handy in a format like this, because I see a lot, but you know, I think YouTube would be the second. And then there are different again, there are different types of video games. I really think, though, the direct correlation is and I won't finish ranking, because I think this kind of does it, for for me, if you look at the effort that the developer or the producer or the director or whatever put into creating whatever it is.
Speaker 2:I think that aligns directly with the value that is delivered to you. Know, hey, you're not going to watch, you're not going to sit here and watch youtube all day. Well, I'll let you watch a movie, because you're going to learn lessons there, you're going to identify with characters, you're going to see um, you know. So I think for me that's how I would. I would rank them is just based on that we've had very little.
Speaker 3:Uh, I think for me, the way I would look at it a little bit is me understanding enough about what they're consuming to be able to set a context and fill gaps where they don't have it. Because you made a great point that they're not able to, and so that's why youtube's pretty don't have it, cause you made a great point that they're not able to, and so that's why YouTube's pretty much off limits unless we're sitting there watching it with them and generally that's very rare or it's some unique thing that we're watching. Because I think that's the most dangerous thing is them consuming content and and us not knowing what it is and not being able to provide those clarifications and those realities, cause they don't have the context to digest it. So to me, I would look at it that way, that's the worst, whether it's a YouTube short or a longer YouTube or anything else that they might be seeing, even on TV.
Speaker 3:That's kind of, for me, on the best side, I think, something that develops problem-solving skills, hand-eye coordination I mean hand, something that develops problem solving skills and eye coordination, I mean hand. Eye coordination has become more and more important. It's becoming a more and more digital world, right. I think a lot of times I like to say oh, you know, we went out, we played baseball, whatever, like we also have to realize it is becoming a more and more digital world and some of that hand eye coordination and that familiarity with technology is going to come in handy, maybe much more than it even has in ARC, because we're just going to continue to go down that path. So, yeah, that's what I would add.
Speaker 1:It's interesting. You say that I think about. One of the things that I'm starting to think about with my oldest is like what jobs are going to be available in the next 20, 30 years? And you think about we're flying drones now versus planes and you think about some of that stuff and you guys have made some really good points that I've I've kind of realized, like I know your youngest plays Fortnite and and like that, hand eye coordination. My youngest is seven years old and he has beat all the Zeldas, breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom Right, and you're, there's a lot of stuff that goes into that from a thought standpoint. So what I'm kind of hearing is more of the maybe games or movies or screens when they are allowed, it's still tempered that you know where they can develop some of those skill sets would be a better place to.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the other thing I would add and I'm going to add this because I'm horrible at this I think screens or movies you said in particular, that's what triggered this for me. I think there's some movies that are well done and time that's invested in those can also be mentally valuable. I guess clearing of for me. A lot of times I have trouble sitting down to watch an entire movie because it's like I'm wasting time. I could be doing something productive right now, professionally, or listening to some self-development, something, but there's also like you've got to unwind, I guess is maybe the word, and there's just clearing your head mentally, sometimes engaging in a movie like that and letting it have your entire focus. There are some things to take, but just in general, kind of your body, kind of I don't know exactly what word I'm looking for, but just kind of recharging and kind of to me is something that I think some of these screens, in certain movies in particular, I think has to offer, in addition to always developing some sort of skill or whatever. I think one of the things that I will that just kind of triggered and I would get into because I think I do, one of the things I've gotten into I think is unique is providing life coaches for my kids. I think a lot of what we do and going forward.
Speaker 3:I still don't understand why everyone doesn't have a mental coach. We all have physicians right, or doctors supposed to go to the doctor once a year or more often, depending on what we're going through. To me, as I have experienced different levels of success in this world, I would say every bit of half, if not more, is dependent on my psychological state than it is kind of my physical skills, so much is mindset anymore. Yet we have no overarching guidance from a psychological perspective, there's no institutional, and I understand why. Because it's more subjective. It's difficult to understand why. Because it's more subjective, it's difficult to understand. But we have, in particular, invested in what I would call life coaches and I think the terminology is important.
Speaker 3:I think therapists in my opinion, while people are doing a great job reducing the stigma of that, therapist has kind of a connotation that something's wrong. Well, I don't know that things are necessarily wrong, they can be more or less wrong but I think, just in living in this world, our brains, just like our bodies, are just all over the place. We go through different phases and different times and to not have anyone who has the institutional knowledge to help us navigate that and talk through that. I think it's a little bit of a travesty, honestly in my mind, and so we have tried to invest in and so this, just going back, what triggered with the movies and things kind of helping from a mental balance standpoint, is trying to give them the tools and the resources to be able to take on this world mentally and not just physically.
Speaker 1:That I imagine if some of the listeners are going to be really intrigued by that, do you mind sharing you don't have to say who you guys use, but kind of sharing that process and what you've seen from that. Yeah, I just.
Speaker 3:I Googled kids life coaches, I think was what I Googled and I did some research and reviews on my own and we've engaged with a few different coaches. Some worked better than others and we've narrowed in on one that supports both of our boys. But I will say it's interesting, she supports us as well, like she helps unpack us and helps us, you know, deal with some situations. We were talking to her the other day about one of our kids and she was helping us kind of understand maybe what they're going through and what they're seeing and kind of coaching us on how to handle these situations. So it's been extremely I would say extremely valuable.
Speaker 3:Like anything with kids, I think things stay fresh.
Speaker 3:So we've kind of gotten into a cadence of every quarter we'll kind of have a little bit of a refresh or if there are some particular challenges.
Speaker 3:You know kids, just like adults, go through phases. We go through challenging times, those sorts of things. During that we'll re-engage to the point where one of my kids had, you know, has been going through feeling some more anxiety and stress with things in sports and school and actually expressed interest Like hey, I'd like, you know, I'd like to like, meet with the coach, and so to me that was exciting to see there was actually interest in it, because they see the benefit but really what they do in those sessions and they give summaries and things to us in terms of what they're going through, but they're just teaching them basic things. Now what I will say is, a year removed from those sessions, those skills are dormant. Right, you've got to continue to make sure that they're leveraging those skills and sometimes they need refreshers to remember how to deploy some of those skills to deal with the stressors or whatever. But we have, we have seen it to be at least very valuable to this point.
Speaker 2:You know I want to kind of this is going to be interesting because this is, again, not even really devil's advocate, but you know cause you mentioned listeners. You know, and and ability to do that. You know, I think there's a lot of people out there, myself included, and I think all of us, to a point, we all, you know, we all know that there's different levels of success and different levels of you know, play or different placements in society. And you know, no matter who you are, you've got to make a conscious decision on where to how to live your life, where to spend your money, you know. And so one of the things that I've grown appreciative of and I'll get to where I want to get to, but this is going to be a little bit of a roundabout way is specification.
Speaker 2:So people that spend time just thinking about one thing we all have those strengths. Some of us are more jacks of all trades than others, but, like you know, going kind of back to the therapist side of things, I've been talking to a guy recently, again just on runs, who is a very successful coach in that kind of same space, not professionally trained at all, but he spends all day thinking about these different angles, different approaches, different ideas, different ideals, how to implement things, how to boil things down. He's looked at those things and attached them to the spiritual side and the religious side of the world and how to implement some of the learnings and teachings from scripture out there in life and whatever. So you know, I want to the reason I go that route and the reason I say that is because where you are way more productive than we are, um it for me I'll speak to myself way more productive than I am, You're. You, seemingly, from an outside looking in, are constantly, always doing something, um, to improve, you know, and so you're as busy as they come. And so I think, because of that, having the life coach, because of that you've been able to generate a certain lifestyle for yourself and because of that, it's like this double-edged sword right, you're busy enough that you don't have time to sit around and think about how can I better my kids from from a mental perspective, um, but because of the hard work you put into day-to-day life and and what you've generated from an income perspective, you can, you can reach out to somebody else to help you do that with your kids.
Speaker 2:I would want to encourage people out there that and I know there are those of you who are probably split at the seams right You're working a job, your wife's working a job. You don't have the income to afford someone to help mentally coach your kid or yourselves. I think that spending a little bit of time here and a little bit of time there like we talked about earlier and thinking about things the best you can, just being cognizant I think that's the one of the biggest things cognizant and or conscious of the fact that you got to focus on we, you've got to focus on that element and that part of yourself and of your children. We've seen, um, the I don't know what, what, what you want to call it, you know, obviously over the last 70 years call it from the, I'm sure way, way further back than that We've seen kind of the shift in it, in focus on the importance of mental health, because you know you have people who for decades and decades and decades kept it bottled up inside and lived miserable lives and had a lot, a lot of regrets because they never did address that type of thing.
Speaker 2:So I just wanted to kind of call that out, because I'm sure there are people out there. Like gosh, I don't have the money to invest in this particular thing, but just being conscious of it in and of itself is, I think, really important. And if you can spend some time to think about how to help them deal with those things, even if it's going in a routine we have is every kid gets like 15 to 20 minutes every night, we kind of sit down and we talk through things, we spend that extra time, if you have it, to kind of understand their perspective and I think that's important.
Speaker 3:To me. I would say that's the most important. In fact, in some of our coaching sessions that's one of the things they say is and you hear this more broadly people don't care what you know until they know that you care and that applies to the kids too. And if you don't have an underlying relationship and a connection there, it's very difficult for you to be able to provide guidance. And I think sometimes I think to your point provide guidance, and I think sometimes I think to your point, that is the intentionalness from a parental perspective, to have awareness, to be cognizant of it and to support from a psychological perspective as well, I think is absolutely the most important part of it.
Speaker 1:You guys both kind of touched on this, but it's like productivity, which we're wired for, versus leisure, and I think there's a balance of that in us. And they said you know, I love the saying, it's like who's your favorite kid and they're like the one that's most like you, right, like it's easy to relate. But as parents it's tough enough to judge productivity and leisure on our own levels. Like all three of us are, I'm probably the blend. You're probably more leisure and you're more productive and I'm kind of sitting in the middle. But that for our kids it's really tough to balance. That, yeah, it is really tough to balance.
Speaker 3:That, yeah, it is. We've kind of gone with a love, hard, discipline hard kind of mindset. I think the relationships, however you approach it, the relationships have to be there. The quarterly trips that I take with the boys, that, and sometimes it's just, yeah, you know nothing extravagant, but it's like we'll go downstairs and we'll have a Madden night or you know, we'll go wherever and just spend time together. It's challenging, it's just challenging in today's environment to find the time and navigate and keep it all balanced.
Speaker 1:Well, we've really come full circle. We started kind of with sports. We've kind of gone through the gamut of maybe some of the challenges we've had with raising our kids and with what they, um the environment that they live in is different than the one that we live in. Um, if I feel like you guys have done a pretty good job with removing the your, your identity from the success of your kids in sports and maybe that's that's the environment you're in and the competitiveness, and just realizing that environment you're in and the competitiveness and just realizing that being the best is is unlikely, uh, genetically, um, with 4,000 kids at a high school, not impossible. Um, any advice you want to give around that?
Speaker 2:I mean, I just think, fortunately for us. I think one of the things is you can be comfortable that you're checking the box. Now, that's one of the things that always is whenever we are preparing for anything. You know, you like I for one like to over index and preparedness, so feel like I've done all I can do and I think, with everything that's offered down here and or where we're at that, for the most part I'm checking all the boxes I can, because then you and that gives me kind of peace of mind that you know for me to do any more and to put them in any better position, I'm going to have to look at, like, really, what are our values as a family? Like, hey, all right, well, do you want to be a family that takes vacations? Okay, well, not if we're going to take it to this level in sports. Or do you want extravagant gifts or gifts in general at birthdays? Do you want big birthday parties? Well, not if we're going to take it to this level in sports. So you know, I think, where our values are lying as a family today is great, it works for us and, given those guardrails, you know, I'm able to feel comfortable that we're doing as much as we can for them, putting them in the best position possible. Again, spending time thinking about it is, you know, and I think we're seeing the fruits of those labor and I'm fruits of that labor and I'm confident that the those secondary benefits we talked about, which I think are the most important at the end of the day, all the things they're learning outside of being really good or really proficient at a specific activity, is all the benefits they're getting on the side. I think you know that's a big thing.
Speaker 2:Now, I can't say that. I think we all get wrapped up in particular performances at times and like, get you know, I had it last week, my daughter again, who I said is kind of more you know, she's learning soccer. They played they're playing in an indoor league, a five on five indoor league, and they played against a team who had four girls they had five and they got beat 18 to one and it was one of those uh with, and again the other team was a person down and it was one of those things where you go to a game and I think the way I articulated it at the time is you said something earlier about you, about the different tiers of soccer and you just want them to be in a competitive environment. If they're not winning the war, at least they're winning battles. Here and there they might get beat 5-0, but they're winning these little battles throughout the match.
Speaker 2:And then there are games, like what happened to my daughter last week, where they just got throttled, had no business playing that team, there wasn't anything that came out of it, and so I was furious and that was a fault in myself. You know I left dejected and I was projecting my feeling, and you know I let her calm down for a little bit, but then I made the comment like, well, what are you going to do? Are you going to lay down and take it? Are you going to use that anger and drive you forward and get better and get better? Um, we ended up talking through that. You know, later on down the line, um is actually after her last game this last week and I explained that I was kind of in the wrong. For you know, and there are times in life where you need to learn how to take that, whatever emotion it is, and translate that into productivity or into um success. But yeah, I mean for me, those are some of the different things that I do to kind of keep my personal and again I'll mention it and I mentioned it four times getting out and being active yourself and having that validation through doing your own thing.
Speaker 2:I think you know and I see it, man, there's a particular cross-country um, this is whatever it's, it's our podcast. I'll be judgmental. There's this girl who runs for a team, uh, in a different part of the state, who's pretty good and her mother's there and is just, she has a reputation and and over three years everyone knows who she is because she's so loud, so aggressive, so into it, so over the top. And again, I'm judging a book by its cover, but it looks like that this is her thing. She's living through her daughter. It doesn't look like there's been a fitness journey. Again, maybe there has, but it seems that this is all she has and if this doesn't work out, it's the end of everything um, I think that's a trap that a lot of parents fall into you.
Speaker 1:You want whether you had success in sports in high school or you want your kids to live up to that. I'd love to throw one more dynamic into this. We've talked about the physical, we've talked about the mental, but we haven't really talked about the spiritual side of things, and one of the things that I've realized a few years ago is the number one thing I can try to help instill in my kid is kind of confidence and self-worth. I'd love to hear how you guys, from a spiritual standpoint, how you incorporate that or use that with your kids, if at all. Maybe you don't, but I'm curious to see how that integrates into this process of raising kids and teaching them lessons and helping them prepare, because the spiritual component is arguably one of the most.
Speaker 2:Surprise, surprise, as you alluded to earlier, mine is more casual. Out of the three of us, my religious journey has probably had the most bumps in the road, but a couple of years ago, when Kay started running, it was with a track club cross country team, body and training and it is a Christian basedbased, faith-based organization and they are very true to that word. This isn't a oh, we're Christian, we're faith-based, whatever. Every single week there are devotions and the kids are being taught about and having discussions with their smaller groups about particular scripture and verses and how those are applicable to life as well as whatever sport they're participating in. A lot of the kids who've been in this program for a really long time, they have already made those connections and they have this vast library of scripture that they have aligned with different elements within their sport.
Speaker 2:And most of them and you hear this and I love this because it's something that I've seen now executed so often in professional sports the first thing somebody says when they come up to a podium is glory to God.
Speaker 2:And I think that, unless you've really seen people utilize that pathway for their own success, right, I'm suffering for the glory you know you call into question.
Speaker 2:Are they just getting up there and saying that, because that's the right thing to say when you walk up to a podium. So seeing some of these older kids implement things like hey, coach, can you pray for me while I'm running? Or I'm praying for other people while I'm running, because that takes the focus off myself and the pain that I'm feeling with inside and it allows me to project that on other people. Or, you know, I'm using the gift he's given me. We always use the Prefontaine quote to give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift, and you mentioned that earlier. So you're running for the glory of God, trying your best to glorify the fact that he's giving you this skill set is, I think, the utmost, the most important thing you can do. So that's how we've worked it in. It's not very structured but, through exposure and experience, has been something that has been very important, especially for her in specific.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean I won't just repeat a lot of that, but I would say very similar in terms of honoring God with the skills and gifts, talents you've been given. What I think is unique about this whole parenting thing, and what I think is frustrating and beautiful about it at the same time, is there's no right answer. I think the right answer is different for every family. As you've heard, even growing up together and having a similar set of values instilled in us, we all still have different orientations and I think they can all be right answers because it's for us and for our family and how we're each wired and how we interact with our families. And I think my thought process on this and what I continue to spend a lot of time on and stay close to is what's important at the end of the day, right. And so I think sometimes we all naturally get caught up in the moment and I think what I try and continue to do is have as big a picture mindset as I can. As frustrated as I might be with how one of the kids played in a sporting event, when I step back and understand kind of the grand scheme of things and can step out of that moment. That's super helpful for me and I think what goes along part with that is what do you want for your kids? Like understanding that I mean I've.
Speaker 3:I've heard you've got your Tiger Woods of the world, where I think Eldrick Woods, his dad, wanted him to be the best golfer in the world and inspire people in that regard. Right, and there were a lot of what I think society would call dysfunctional things that happened in that family in order for him to get to that point. But that's what he wanted for his kid, and certainly someone could argue that that has been in. You know, tiger has been inspirational for a lot of people in the world from a golf perspective and now, was that worth the sacrifices? And you get into a subjective question there. I've got others that I've talked to. That said, I just want my kid to grow up and be a very emotionally well-rounded, supportive person who can successfully interact and support others in society. Right, just, really emotionally intelligent and has a high quality of life.
Speaker 3:I always love the Tony Robbins quote quality of life is not what you have, but how you feel.
Speaker 3:And so that's what they want for their kids and they're going to parent accordingly and so I think it's understanding you know how you are oriented, what you want for your kids and working with them to understand what they want and then supporting them in that fashion. And so I think, if you have your eye on that prize and on that outcome, most of our kids aren't going to play sports professionally, so playing sports isn't about necessarily the level of success that they're going to achieve, because they're very most likely not going to make a living doing it. So what are those values and things that you're trying to instill? How do you maintain that confidence? And I think the spiritual layer to close back with that is an incredible foundation to build upon, and that's where I think it's important, from knowing your beloved child of God from a confidence perspective that you know you're uniquely gifted with certain talents and things to deploy. I think you know those are all extremely valuable foundations to set that can then be built upon.
Speaker 2:I like one more thing on the back of that. You made it. It just triggered something. You made a comment about having specific skill sets and I think that's something that's so cool.
Speaker 2:That is learned in sport is that you know if you're on a team a soccer team and you have X number of people on the field or a football team.
Speaker 2:Everybody has these specific skill sets and you learn to appreciate those.
Speaker 2:You learn to understand what you're good at and you're not good at and helps you, I think, um, find your place in society and be creative with the skills that you have to end up doing what you want, versus people that don't experience, that don't know how to.
Speaker 2:I think that's where you see and you guys see it a lot and we can talk about this in another episode where you see struggle and strife in the workplace because it's me, me, me, me, me it's what can I get for me, and this person is encroaching on my thing versus like sitting down and I've even had this feeling inside lately, some stuff that's happened in my organization. But I know at the end of the day, it's okay. Let's sit down and figure out how we can best deploy each other's skill sets or other skill sets within our organization to appreciate what they've spent their career building, and if there's some overlap we'll figure it out. I think sports really teaches you to appreciate those other approaches of different people and what they're good at and really find joy in the success of other people, where in a lot of other instances today we don't see that because it's joy. We believe it's joy or it's achievement at an impact or detriment to us.
Speaker 3:I want to kind of ask you the question you asked us. I mean spiritually, I think you've probably been as active as any of us, probably the most active, in living that out and embodying that or embedding that into your family in certain ways. What just triggered, as you were talking about this? We're all talking about how to be successful in the world, right In the world, in the world, in the world, and one could argue, if you have any sort of, whatever your religious orientation if you have one, let's just use Christianity, for example the goal is to get to heaven, right, and so that really frames all of this of like. Certainly we want our children to be able to be successful in this world, but at the end of the day, you know, again, depending on your spiritual orientation, to get to heaven like, talk, talk about that.
Speaker 1:Yes, one of the things I always talk about is kingdom greatness versus worldly greatness. Part of my journey in about is kingdom greatness versus worldly greatness. Part of my journey in life is worldly greatness and worldly success is what kind of drove me as a person until I realized that wasn't exactly what I was looking for. And I think what? Again, spirituality in general and for us, christianity is what I say. You know, I don't believe. I think churches are important. I think that having a support in a group is important, but one of the most important things is like how did Christ live his life? And that's what I try to go back to.
Speaker 1:And if you read the Bible, christ lived his life to basically serve other people, and I think the lessons that come out of that when you're spiritually dialed in, you're generally not focusing on yourself. We spend so much time on self-focus and really, when we're focusing on ourself internally, that's when we have the most strife, right, like, oh, this didn't work out, or why is this happening to me? When I find myself thinking about myself, that's when I go through the slew of emotions, good or bad, right. And so one of the things that I've learned through my journey through Christianity and the Bible is like Jesus. Whether you believe in him or not, you could argue he's a pretty phenomenal dude because the way he lived his life, he gave his life for everybody, he served people. And so the lessons that I'm trying to embody to my kids are to live in a life of humility. Right, you talk about being on a team, appreciating others' gifts, like if we're not self-focused and we're reading stories and we're talking things about what did this person do and what's their gift.
Speaker 1:And, like, my really competitive daughter, who's a really good soccer player, is now for the first time trying travel volleyball and she is not in the full rotation and she's having a hard time coping with. You know, why am I having to sit out? One of the two girls that has to rotate, and the truth is it's great for her, but it's like, okay, what role am I playing and how am I living into that role and how can we shift our mindset? And so when you bring spirituality into the whole mix, it's like focusing on other people, lifting other people up, giving my best, like all those lessons of how Jesus lived his life I think are great lessons for us and for kids, Because one thing that I've realized as well is like and you talked about this in the last episode it's like seeing other people be successful, is like one of the greatest emotions there is in life.
Speaker 1:It's like seeing other people achieve and lifting other people up. And yeah, we want to be successful too, but there's a when you're in the role of a coach and you're helping other people and even my other daughter, who's also playing travel volleyball I said I want you to go out this last game and I want you to be the hype girl. I want you to like, I want you to bring all the energy and I want you to do the dances and the claps when they do the ACE. And and I bribed her as most parents would, and she did it and she loved it, she came, she had more energy in that. So, whether your daughter or son is the hype person and they can just bring energy to a situation or they can lift others up like that's just as much as important as I think anything else. And that's where I think you know having a spiritual belief and believing in something greater than you and focusing on yourself is super important.
Speaker 2:Well, I know you closed this out, but I think that's the perfect place to end this and I think there's a lot we're talking about that. You know I'd love to explore on the business side in a future episode, but continue, there's a lot we're talking about that.
Speaker 1:I'd love to explore on the business side in a future episode, but continue, okay. Well, that's a wrap. Thank you guys for again. I hope everyone is getting some value here and look forward to episode three.